


Subject: The Complete And Utter Atrocity That Was Supposed To Be The Most Important Day In My Life

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [152]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, wedding fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 16:19:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9499859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Correspondence to Pangalactic Wedding Planners Customer Service





	

**Comm from:** Emperor Hux-Ren

 **Comm to** : Pangalactic Wedding Planners Customer Service 

 **BCC to:** The Beloved Other Half

 **Subject:** _The Complete And Utter Atrocity That Was Supposed To Be The Most Important Day In My Life_

Dear Sir and/or Madam and/or Other,

Perhaps I should have been wary from the off-set from your company’s name: Pangalactic. For one, it should be hyphenated to pan-galactic, although I suppose it doesn’t fit your ‘branding’. Secondly, unless you work for multiple galaxies (and please, stars, tell me you don’t) it’s inaccurate and should be brought up under trading standards.

Unless, perhaps, the pan in question is a _bed pan_. Which would explain the levels of urine that your ‘special touches’ and ‘elite adornments’ reeked of.

Whilst I acknowledge that our requirements depended upon internal logistics in many circumstances, that was communicated to your ‘Client Liaison’ early in our agreement. I attach the following:

**[Attachment: Subject: Scope and Exclusions….]**

I also am unhappy with the level of communication I received throughout the process, but as we were already in the middle of organising things, I thought it prudent to continue, in order to have a hope of completing within the project deadlines. Please see below correspondence:

**[Attachment: Subject: RE RE RE RE RE RE Update request?]**

I would like to give some ‘high’ lights of your offering:

  * After many discussions about the floral place-settings, your Client Liaison somehow sent the flowers that I am allergic to, leading to my eyes watering and my face looking blotchy, which ruined my holos   

  * The food offering was still _bleeding_ in many cases, sometimes even when it shouldn’t have first been sanguine. There was also an over-abundance of soup, and a shortage of the seafood cocktail  

  * My name was spelt incorrectly on the order of service. In two different ways  

  * The ice sculptures were obscene. At no point did I ask for glacial phalluses to adorn my tables. If this was an act of internalised homophobia, I suggest you send your suppliers to re-conditioning  

  * The outfit for Captain Phasma was cheap and tacky, and was not prepared in advance for me to veto it, so she had to attend in her regular uniform  

  * I specifically asked for the Imperial March to _not_ be played (you can infer from your previous incompetence that it was)  

  * Despite highlighting which ship would need to be designated for our honeymoon (Lord Ren’s Upsilon) somehow this was interpreted as ‘this old Lamda-class’, and this was incredibly inappropriate and embarrassing  

  * References to Lord Ren’s birth family were somehow included in the ceremony, at great personal insult  

  * This atrocity that is supposed to be (I can only assume) our cake:  




**[Attachment: WHAT IS THIS]**

I expect a full, written apology, the return of my deposit, and your ‘Client Liaison’ to be beaten until black and blue. Alternatively, you will cease trading and you will never go into the customer service business again.

Yours very sincerely,

Emperor Hux-Ren


End file.
